October 2007
In one moment in time we fall in love, in one moment in time a child is born, in one moment in time a heart is broken, in one moment in time a soul is lost.
We feel like the world has cheated us so horribly, We love without measures, without boundaries, with total passion and expression and care more about the one we love than of ourselves, we give all we can, physically and emotionally yet we feel cheated for the love was not return in the same way.
If we keep going now we will be taking great risks. Another betrayal and our sense for loving might just give up. Right now we can love so much and give our love without regrets, but the curtain has fallen and it shows things in ways they were not so before. If we keep loving and it all works out then love will bless us, but if another betrayal occurs then our capacity for loving might want to fade away. We could not go through this pain twice and recover graciously since the potential for failure is so much greater than success. We feel incline to cut our losses and walk away while we still feel that we can love again.
One more heartbreak and it will render love useless, for the pain will be unbearable and we would rather concentrate on having fun and desist from thinking in the fairy tale that obviously is not a reality, but a ghost of the romantic imagination. If we fail this time, there is no turning back, Pandora’s box will be opened and love will be no more. If being always there for the one we love, her Romeo or Juliet, does not return any kindness from them. If at the end, our position of being a faithful companion and a great lover gets betrayed by the acknowledgement of the one we love, we will take and handle anything even great pain because we are in love. Then why are we doing all this loving for? Better join the crowd and be the mindless self, thinking of our own satisfaction, put our feelings above the other's and live a normal life. That would pretty much take care of living without pain, but is it worth it? Well let me tell you, when the pain is so deep and so intense it might just be worth it to become just another jerk.
We could not endure this pain again and refuse to experience it one more time when it seems almost certain that we would. Now do not be deceived for the willful goodbye is pain in itself, but it is conscious pain planned and fabricated with the sole purpose of avoiding the real and irreparable pain that will truly kill the soul and rip open the heart. The truth is that such fabricated pain is worth the saving of the soul from what could be its very end.
Goodbye has never been a word we like to say. It is cold, sharp and bitter, but it can also put an end to the continuity of pain. We need to love and be loved without any rules, excuses and or explanations. Love is love and in itself does not need explaining or justification, it is just LOVE. This is what we have set sail forth, TRUE LOVE and on this life or the next we will find it, but in order to do that we have to also be able to let go of what appears to be any imitation no matter how good the resemblance is to the real thing. Love is bound to time and space to be able to express itself in a world of mutuality, the giver and receiver constantly trading places for all eternity.
Love can not be conditioned or excused under someone's mere interpretation of it due to lack of first hand knowledge from having experienced it in body, mind, flesh and soul. We have been ever so lucky for having felt love so close and so pure and yet so unlucky and unfortunate to not have it come back to us in the same way. We feel as if we should never love again, never be this vulnerable, never be this hurt, but only time will tell and true love might just be able to find its way again.
So is time to say Goodbye, go and fly away, fulfill your dreams, soar the world, live life, enjoy the journey, taste success and when all else is done and finished we will still be on this same earth, if our search for love is not over then, we might just find the truth about ourselves, we might realize then that what we looked for so long and across the world was always right in front of us at every moment that we look at each other's eyes. You just did not know it then, and we are aware that you might not discover it ever, but in that case we do hope that what you find in your journey ends up being more and never less. Remember; never ever settle for less, you are too good to be wasted in the company of those that can not appreciate it.
We feel sad, yet conscious that we loved and gave without any hesitations, reservations, or regrets. We did what we must and would do it again. We loved and many a times that is a sin, for love can be misunderstood and people will turn on you and not comprehend. Anyways, we walk out this door without remorse, it was not our fault, it just did not work. Hearts are broken and hopefully they will mend. Love is something we walk in blindly like in a trance; when we walk out of it we are very awake. We feel the pain, continue the journey and move on. There is always the need for love, the road is dark, and there are no guiding lights.
We are back on familiar grounds a little wiser with a little more pain. One day it has to stop, nothing goes on forever, but love itself. So it is with tears in our eyes, broken hearts and trembling hands that we dare say goodbye. May you find all the happiness that we could not bring to you and that you so well deserve.
In one moment in time a teardrop blinds our sight.
-Franklin Peña-
